The Un-Comfort Zone

Robert  Evans Wilson, Jr.


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Bouncing Off the Bottom

"You are going to die," Burt told Valerie after she said she wanted a divorce (NOTE: I have changed their names to protect the families involved.). The 26 year old policeman lifted a rifle and pointed it at her face.

"No. Please no!" begged Valerie.

Ignoring her pleas and the tears streaming down her cheeks, Burt continued to aim the gun at a point right between her eyes.

After years of abuse; Valerie knew he was serious. She had endured being thrown against walls, choked, slapped, punched, kicked, and spit on. He would pin her against the floor using painful arm twisting techniques he’d learned as a cop for controlling unruly prisoners. On several occasions Burt even dragged her out of bed in the middle of the night, dumped her in the front yard, then locked her out of the house.

The seconds ticked by like minutes, as she stared into the muzzle of the gun. Completely paralyzed by fear, she was unable to run or even move. Burt pulled the trigger.

Valerie heard the hammer fall, "Click." The chamber was empty.

Burt laughed out loud. He laughed so hard that he fell backwards into the wall.

It was in that moment Valerie felt her love for Burt finally die. Unfortunately, now she was afraid to leave him. It wasn’t only fear that kept her married; it was two children; her religious beliefs; and the fact that Burt was so charming she didn’t think any of her friends and family would believe her enough to support her decision.

Ten years passed. During that time the abuse continued, but Valerie was afraid to report it. Burt was well liked by his fellow police officers, and he was always careful never to leave marks or bruises. He even warned her, "If you ever try to report me, they will believe me because you don’t have any evidence. And, after they leave, you will have to deal with me." She understood that part completely.

The marriage finally ended, but only because Burt decided to leave. Despite being free from abuse, Valerie felt like a complete failure. "If the person who knew me the best was no longer willing to stay married to me, then I must be worthless." It was this feeling of finally hitting bottom, that motivated Valerie to make changes in her life.

She began with therapy where she learned that it was Burt who was responsible for his behavior and not her. As her emotional strength grew, she gave back by volunteering at shelters for abused women. In time, her confidence and creativity grew and Valerie became a serial entrepreneur starting several businesses. Today she is the owner of a successful catering business, and married to a kind man who treats her well.

We've often heard the saying, "You've got to hit bottom before you can start to rise again." I have more often than not heard this in reference to alcoholics and drug addicts, but many of us find our lives in a downward spiral, and the problem is that we don't know how to change directions.

As I mentioned in a previous column, it is human nature to go backwards before going forward. We revisit wells of happiness that have dried up in the hopes that they might refill.

The downward spiral sucks your energy, destroys your creativity, and it paralyzes you so that you cannot see new opportunity. It makes you depressed in a way that you don't even know you are depressed. Some people are able to endure an enormous amount of pain before motivation kicks in.

Hitting bottom means that you have gotten so deep in the un-comfort zone that circumstances force you to make changes that you were unable to make for yourself.

The truth is you don't have to wait that long to find the motivation to change. You are already aware that your life is not as good as it used to be. That's all you need to know. The time to ask for help is now.



Robert Evans Wilson, Jr. is a motivational speaker and humorist. He works with companies that want to be more competitive and with people who want to think like innovators. For more information on Robert's programs please visit http://www.jumpstartyourmeeting.com


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The Un-Comfort Zone Article # 45


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